Is Love Worth It?

I have a friend who recently told me of her concerns about attempting to go to grad school with her boyfriend. Both of them want to attend school in the DC area; I am given to understand that this is a bit of a sacrifice for her because she was considering the Boston area, for which she has a slight preference. Another issue is that her parents are not exactly approving of the relationship and might be hurt that their daughter chooses to move far away from them for a man.

So there are two questions that intrigue me here. How can you tell if a relationship is good enough that it is worth it to make sacrifices? One of my cousins said "it is stupid to go to a school just for someone." I can agree with this viewpoint to a certain extent. Many relationships are not stable enough to last the stresses of adult life and end; it would just add insult to injury if one had uprooted one's life for a significant other who proves himself or herself unworthy of one's love. On the other hand, one's professional and intellectual life should be balanced with his or her personal life; most of us need personal relationships to sustain us. It seems a bit extreme to suggest that one should never structure one's schooling or work around family life or romantic relationships.

The other thing that concerns me is whether one should bring one's parents into consideration when planning one's life. As an Indian, I understand the pressure to stay close to one's family and support one's parents. While mine are young and active, the time when they might need me to take care of them is not that far off. From this point of view, I can see why parents want their children not to move far away from them. What's more, I know that parents hate to see their children make mistakes. However, there's some point at which one's offspring are competent to make their own decisions; after all, if they don't get the practice at an early point in their lives, what will they do when the parents are no longer there to guide them? Furthermore, it's impossible to foresee the results of our actions in any way or to ensure one's future will be pleasant. If things go wrong, it is probably because shit happens and not because an unwise decision was made.

In the end, I advised my friend not to feel bad about her decision, because I am fairly sure she is resolved to spend her life with this boy. I just hope he is worthy.